Chapter Eight

Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight or any of its characters. They all belong to Stephenie Meyer.


EPOV

When I arrived home the next day from work, I was a little nervous. I hated not telling Bella about meeting and talking to Tanya, but I felt that I needed to keep the fact that I was talking to someone a secret. Everyone had been trying to get me to talk to someone for weeks and I knew that they would try and claim victory over the fact that I finally was. But it wasn't for them, it was for me. I had decided to take that step for myself, not for Bella, not for my family, but for me. I was in the living room thinking when I heard Bella come home. She walked in biting her lip. The way her sad eyes looked at me, I was beginning to wonder if she knew. She did, after all, know me all to well.

Sitting down in the chair by the couch, she eyed me carefully. She asked me about my day and I told her about some of the interesting surgeries that I had participated in. I asked her about her day. I knew that she had a therapy appointment that morning and I wondered if the doctor had tried again to get her to convince me to see someone. Bella made no mention of her therapy visit, so I didn't ask..

We talked for a few hours, about work, my parents, Rose and Emmett and their impending arrival, while eating the Chinese takeout.

It was nice to sit and talk about our day. I saw a hint of happiness in Bella’s eyes when she smiled. I missed her smile, and they way it made her eyes glow.

We cleaned up, her washing the dishes and me drying, just like we used to. My heart was still aching, though. I still hurt her and I hated that. But it was nice to do something even if it was as small as washing dishes. We were still doing it together.

Once we were done, Bella started yawning. I could tell she was exhausted and truth be told, so was I.

“Are you tired, love?” I asked.

“Yeah.” She replied, yawing again.

“Come on, let’s go up to bed.” I suggested, taking her hand in mine. She sighed and I could tell she was swallowing back sobs, hell I was too. It was nice to have Bella’s hand in mine.

When we passed Lizzie’s room, she stopped for a moment and took a deep breath. We both just stood there for a second then walked to our room.

Bella did her nightly routine first, then I went in and did mine. When I walked back into the bedroom, she was curled up under the blankets sleeping.

I laid on the bed next to her, putting my hands behind my head and leaning back, I thought back to the conversation with Tanya and how good it felt to talk to someone.

After about 10 minutes, Bella started thrashing back and forth and calling out for Lizzie. She hadn't been having the nightmares as much lately, but they still happened. She cried and whimpered in her sleep for hours. I tried to console but it was impossible. As she tossed and turned, I laid on my back, staring at the ceiling, hating myself for making her go through this pain.

~*&*~

The next few weeks, went by pretty fast. Bella and I had a nice routine going on. The nights I was home, we would talk about our day, or just sit and watch a movie. We would hold hands but never went past that. There were times when I felt like we were ignoring what we really should be talking about but I didn’t want to ruin what we had started to build.

I had I continued to meet twice a week with Tanya at the little coffee shop across from the hospital. We also had shared numerous texts, phone calls and emails. We would talk about Jamie and Lizzie and all the things they loved to do to make us, as parents, want to pull our hair out. I would talk about work and some of the things that had gone on during the week. I loved talking about my baby girl. When ever I would tell a story about her, it made me feel good. I felt close to her. And I could tell it was the same with Tanya when she would talk about Jaime. The one thing neither of us mentioned was our spouses. I honestly had no idea what to think about that. I wondered if Bella talked about me in her therapy sessions.

Today was Tuesday and that meant that Tanya and I would meet for coffee after work. I was a little excited to get out of here and talk. It felt good to have something to look forward to finally.

"Dr. Cullen," one of the nurses called to me as I walked out of the restroom, "there are multiple injuries coming in and they’re thinking that most, if not all, will need surgery. We are going to need you to stay after your shift." I ran my hands through my hair and moaned.

"Okay," I told her, "just give me minute to call my wife and let her know that I won't be home in time for dinner and I will head down to the ER." I walked into the break room and pulled my cell phone from my pocket and dialed home. I knew Bella wouldn't be home yet, but I could leave a message. It rang four times and the machine picked up.

"Bella, something has come up and I am not going to be able to make it home for dinner, just plate some left over’s and stick them in the fridge for me. Gotta go. Thanks." I ended the call and stuck it back in my pocket and headed down to the ER.

~*&*~

Hours later, I was completely exhausted. Like they said, most of the injuries had required some type of surgery, but thankfully everyone had pulled through. I tossed the gloves I had been wearing in one of the bins by the door and walked out into the hall. I turned the corner and heard someone walking really fast, their heels hitting the linoleum quickly. I looked up to see Tanya coming down the hall towards me.

"Shit Tanya," I told her, "I completely forgot about coffee." She reached me and hugged me tightly. We had begun to do that in greeting. I felt like she was quickly becoming a very good friend of mine.

"It's okay, Edward, I got a little worried so I came in and someone had told me that you were in surgery." she said, pulling away from the hug. I smiled widely at her and we sat down in some of the chairs that lined the hall and I kept apologizing.

"There was some huge accident on the highway and there were multiple injuries. I should have called and let you know I wouldn't be able to make it, but it completely slipped my mind," I told her, and placed my hand on hers that rested in her lap.

"It's fine Edward. Really. How about if we just meet tomorrow instead? I know that you wanted to discuss some dreams that you have been having and I hate to have them making you feel guilty or something."

She was right. I had needed to tell her about some dreams I had begun to have. And yes, they were making me feel guilty. I had finally started to resolve some of my guilt, but since these nightmares started, the guilt had come back full force.

"That sounds like a perfect idea. Can't wait, really," I told hugged me again and said she would see me tomorrow. After she left, I walked down the hall to my office. Stepping inside, I noticed that someone had left a plate of food on my desk.

BPOV

The past few weeks had been going great. I felt like Edward and I were getting closer again. We started talking more, I was thrilled that I getting my husband back. I knew we still weren't talking about our feelings and about Lizzie, but I thought that once we were connected again, that would come.

I got home from work that day, weeks ago, after meeting with my therapist, I eyed Edward carefully as he sat in the living room, trying to gauge his mood. I sat down in the chair by the couch and just decided to do it. I asked him how his day was and he talked. Yes it could have been the most boring conversation we had ever had, but I couldn't help but be thrilled that my husband was talking to me again.

We ordered takeout and talked for hours. He asked me questions about my day and I answered. It felt good to talk to my husband again. I was probably scaring people at work lately because I pretty much talk to everyone. It was hard going home at night and just being quiet, not speaking at all. This talking was wonderful, I craved it.

We had been talking more and more over the next few weeks. It had been nothing major, but it was a step. I asked him yesterday if he wanted me to cook dinner tonight and he agreed. I went grocery shopping after work and picked up the things I would need to make spaghetti, garlic bread and a salad.

I walked in the house and tossed my keys on the table by the door. I noticed the machine was blinking but there was no way I could press the play button with all these bags in my hands. I walked into the kitchen and put all the groceries away and made my way back to the phone.

"Bella, something has come up and I am not going to be able to make it home for dinner. Just plate some left over’s and stick them in the fridge for me. Gotta go. Thanks."

Well, that was quick and to the point. He probably had some type of emergency surgery or something. I understood because I had been dealing with it our whole married life. I decided to put myself out there. I was going to go ahead and make our dinner, and I was going to take it to him at work. I would show him how much I appreciate him trying for me.

~*&*~

Once the spaghetti and garlic bread were done, I plated some and grabbed the salad I had made from the fridge and drove down to the hospital. I walked into the hospital and smiled at the nurses as I made my way inside. It was only recently that I had been able to return to the hospital. I didn't really see how Edward had done it so quickly after Lizzie's death. All I could think about this place at first was how my baby girl had died here. Yes, I still thought about that, but now, it was also the place where my husband worked.

I rode in the elevator up to Edward's floor and stepped out. Walking down the hall, I heard someone’s heels hitting the floor rather loudly. I rounded the corner but stepped back when I realized what I saw. I peeked back around the corner and gasped, quietly.

Edward was standing there while some strawberry blonde had her arms wrapped around him. She was tall, thin and as she pulled away from him, I saw that she was gorgeous. He was smiling at her. And I realized that I hadn't seen that smile in months. Yes, he had smiled, but it wasn't one that reached his eyes. This smile he was giving her completely lit up his face.

I watched them as they sat down together in the chairs that lined the hall. I couldn't hear what they were saying but I had a feeling that I might not want to. When he reached over and placed his hand over hers in her lap, I almost lost it. I yanked my head back from around the corner. The tears began to fall from my eyes before I could stop them. I made my way to Edward's office and practically tossed the plate on his desk. I left no note to let him even know I had been there.

The whole drive home I sobbed uncontrollably. These past few weeks I thought that Edward and I had begun to get closer again. When really, he was finding comfort in another woman's arms. I didn't understand how he could do this. I had lost my daughter and now he was being taken from me too. No he wasn't being taken, from what it looked like, he was willingly walking away.

I walked into our house and up to our bedroom. I stripped off my clothes and stepped into the shower. I broke down sobbing again, I cried until the water started to run cold. Stepping out of the bathroom, I realized Edward still wasn't home. I quickly got dressed for bed, not thinking I could handle seeing Edward when he arrived home tonight. I pulled back the covers and climbed into bed, crying myself to sleep.

~*&*~

I woke up in the morning to the sounds of the shower running. He was getting ready to leave for work and I had the day off. I laid back and ran over last night events in my head. I was interrupted from my thoughts by a buzzing sound. I looked over and saw Edward's cell phone vibrating on the nightstand. I picked it up and noticed he had a new text message. Not even thinking, I flipped the phone open and began to read.

Hey Edward! So glad we decided to meet today.

Missed our get together yesterday.

See you soon.

T

What the hell? Who is T? Is this the woman Edward was hugging yesterday? How long had they been seeing one another? How long had this been going on right under my nose?

I heard the shower cut off and shut the phone quickly, placing it back on the nightstand. After a several minutes Edward stepped out from the bathroom, completely dressed. He looked at me and wrinkled his brow. He shook it off and walked over to the nightstand, grabbing his phone.

"I should be home in time for dinner tonight. If not, I'll call and let you know," he told me, and walked out of the room. I probably should have confronted him about this "T" person, but decided not to. Why, I really didn't know. What I really wanted to do the minute he walked out that front door was to ransack his little home office and go over every piece of paper in there. I wanted to check every link he had clicked on in the past few months on his computer. I wanted to pour over every email he had written and received lately. But I couldn't do that. I needed to calm myself down and trust him.

~*&*~

I had tried to stay busy all day. I knew that if I gave myself time to think, I would go snooping. And I couldn't do that. I wasn't sure if I was scared of what I would find or what. By four o'clock in the afternoon, I finally decided to sit down and relax and watch a movie. I made myself comfortable on the couch and picked up the remote. Before I could even hit play, the phone was ringing.

"Hello?"

"Hey, it's me," Edward said," I am not going to be home in time for dinner again tonight. Ummmmm, something came up. I will just grab something from the cafeteria so you don't need to bother with saving me anything."He was rushing through his words so fast that I barely understood him.

"So," I said, "you're sure you don't want me to take something over to the hospital? I can bring you something over." He didn't mention that he had eaten what I left him last night. I don't think he even knew that I had left it for him.

"No!" he said quickly, "I mean, don't worry about it. I can get something here." There was a long pause in conversation. I honestly didn't know what to say to him without blurting out the questions I really wanted answers to.

"So, yeah. I really should get going," he said, "gotta lot of work to do. I'll see you later tonight."

"Okay, love you," I said. I paused, waiting for him to answer. When I heard nothing, I looked down at the phone in my hand and realized that the call had been disconnected. Yeah, that hurt.

I sat around for a little bit and once again contemplated snooping. I needed to confront him but I didn't want to fly off the handle. And the way I was feeling right now, that is exactly what I would probably do.

I decided to go for a drive. I hopped in my car and just drove. I ended up right in front of the little coffee shop by the hospital. I pulled over and parked on the other side of the street from it. I really didn't need any caffeine this late in the day but I knew this place had wonderful muffins because Edward used to bring them home to Lizzie sometimes.

I sat there debating whether or not I would go inside, a couple coming out of the hospital doors caught my eye. As the two of them got closer I realized why they had caught my eye. It was Edward and the strawberry blonde that I saw him with yesterday. I ducked down in the seat a bit and watched them walk over to the coffee shop. Edward was laughing at something she had said. I hadn't heard him laugh in months and it hurt me to see that she was able to make him.

As they got to the door, Edward held it open for her and they walked inside. They walked up to the counter and placed their order, Edward paying of course, the gentleman he was. They sat down at a table near the window where I could see them pretty good. They began talking and Edward started rubbing the back of his neck. Then little miss bimbo, as I had started calling her in my head, stood up and walked over behind him. She placed her hands on his shoulders and began to massage him. I could almost hear Edward moaning in my mind. He loved it when I massaged his neck and shoulders after a long day of work.

I couldn't watch anymore. I sat up and put my seatbelt back on and rushed home. I was surprised that I wasn't crying. I walked inside the house and slammed the door. I fixed myself a sandwich and sat down to eat it, wondering what in the hell was going on with my life. Did I really just see my husband having coffee with another woman? Surely, I must be mistaken. Edward would never do that, would he? He had changed so much in the few months since Lizzie's death and I realized that I barely knew him anymore. What if he had become the type of man that would cheat on his wife just months after the death of his child? What if his grief and our issues had drove him to the arms of another woman?

I threw my sandwich away, unable to eat anymore and went upstairs to bed. I tossed and turned, but evidently fell asleep. I woke up when I felt the bed move as Edward climbed inside. I laid there quietly and let him think that I was asleep. After a few minutes I heard his breath even out and he began to lightly snore. I pulled the covers back slowly and climbed out of bed. I tiptoed over to his side of the bed and looked on the side table for his cell phone. Yes, I had decided it was time to snoop. The phone wasn't there so I figured he had plugged it in downstairs to charge.

I looked over at him again to make sure he was still asleep and walked out of our room. Walking into the kitchen, I spied his phone plugged in and sitting on the counter. I wondered to myself if I really wanted to do this as I held the shiny phone in my hand. Taking a deep breath, I powered the phone and went to his contacts, immediately looking for the T's.

Timothy.....a fellow doctor at work that I had met many times at hospital

Tino's.....a local pizza place

Tanya.....Tanya......Tanya......I couldn't place that name for the life of me. I assumed that this had been the T that had sent the message. I looked at the number and made sure to remember it as I scrolled to the incoming messages. My stomach dropped as I read them.

Hey E, we still on for tomorrow?

T

You know I will be would I miss it?

E

Looking forward to Thursday

T

I am looking forward to it as well

E

Wow, two times a week? I must be special

T

Yes, you are least to me you are.

E

The messages dated back from weeks ago. There were lots of them. I didn't think I could handle reading anymore. I closed my eyes and took a deep breath. I tried not to cry but I couldn't stop the tears as they fell from my eyes. I powered the phone off and sat it back down on the counter. I walked upstairs and looked at Edward lying in the bed sound asleep. I took my pillow off the bed and walked out. I opened Lizzie's bedroom door and smiled. It had been a while since I had been able to do that walking into this room. I needed to be close to my baby girl tonight, because I sure as hell didn't want to be anywhere near her father.

I laid my pillow down on the bed and pulled her pink comforter back. Lying down, my mind began to race over everything that I had uncovered today. It had been a shocking day, to say the least.