Chapter Four

Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight or its characters. They all belong to Stephenie Meyer. However, the plot to this story is mine.



I stood on bright green grass. The sky was a brilliant blue color with puffy white clouds dotted about. I looked down and noticed I was barefoot and wiggled my toes in the cool blades. Closing my eyes, I lifted my face towards the sky, letting the warmth of the sun hit my cheeks. I relished in the feel of the rays on my skin. Suddenly, one of the most beautiful sounds in the world came from behind me. Spinning around, I saw the most beautiful sight before me. There, sitting on the swing, was my little girl, kicking her bare feet as she went higher and higher. The laughter continued and I started to walk towards her. Her white sundress was blowing in the wind and the sun was hitting her hair just right, showing off the red tint that weaved throughout.

"Mommy, can you push me?" Lizzie asked, still looking at me with that brilliant half smile that reminded me so much of her father.

"I sure can, Baby Girl," I said as I stood behind her, pushing her gently. Her laughter echoed around us as she went higher and higher.

"Mommy, look! A wish flower. Can you get it for me please? I wanna make a wish," she said, pointing toward the single dandelion that stood in the grass. Walking over to the flower, I plucked the stem from the ground. A large billow of wind circled around me as I stood back up. The air chilled substantially and I turned back around to hand Lizzie her flower, the swing moved gently in the wind, but it was now empty.

A familiar and haunting ache began to form in my chest. My heart pounded so loudly I could hear it in my ears. She was gone.

I sat straight up in bed, screaming into the darkened room. I sobbed uncontrollably as I felt comforting arms surround me. A hand rubbed soothingly up and down my back as I shook with emotion.

"Tell me it was all a dream. Tell me I can walk down that hall, look into her room and find her there. Tell me it didn't happen," I cried as I clung to the person who tried to give me comfort. She began to whisper soothingly into my ear. It was Esme. I could tell by the way she spoke that she was crying with me. Her voice cracked with emotion every time I moaned or cried out.

"Oh sweet girl, I am so sorry. I wish I could tell you those things. I wish I could make all the pain go away." We both cried as we clung to one another. She held me tightly as I fought to catch my breath and calm down. After a few moments I pulled away from her and wiped the tears from my eyes. She reached out and brushed the hair from my face.

"Oh sweetheart," she said, as she took my hand into hers, "I am so sorry." She held both of my hands in her lap as she spoke to me.

"It just hurts so much. What did I do that was so horrible to deserve this? Why did he have to take her? Was taking my Mom from me not enough?" Tears were falling from my eyes onto the blanket that had been draped across me. I honestly don't even know how I had gotten home. The last thing I really remembered was that doctor coming out to tell me that she was gone.

"You've done nothing wrong, Bella. You were the best mother a child could ever hope for. Do you remember what I whispered to you when we were in the delivery room for Elizabeth's birth?" she asked me. Of course I remembered what she had said. I thought about it all the time.

I fell back to the bed completely exhausted. I looked over at Edward and sighed.

"Edward, I can't do this anymore. I'm so tired, I need to stop."

"You can do this, Bella. You are so strong, it's almost over now. Just a few more pushes and our little girl will be here." He replied, brushing the hair that was stuck on my face, away.

I looked over at Esme, she smiled lovingly down at me. I was so glad to have her here with me. I wished my own mother could be here, but that was impossible.

I sighed and felt my heart ache a little. I looked back over at Edward. "I just look at Esme here with us, and I wish that my mom could be here too." I told him as tears fell from my eyes. Esme leaned down to me and gave me a soft kiss on the cheek.

"Sweetheart, your mother is here with us today. She might not be here physically, but I know that there is no way she would miss this. She's been up there, loving this little angel and now she's sending her to you, for you to care for and love. Now, how about we welcome her into this world. She has spent time with Grandma Renee, now it's time for her to meet Nana Esme." I looked at Esme and smiled brightly. I sat up with a new found determination, ready to welcome my daughter into this world.

"Bella, your mother is watching that little angel now. She always has. Now, she gets to spend some quality time with her Grandma Renee again. She is at peace with her. I know it's so hard and that it hurts so much. But just know, that now you have two guardian angels watching over you. She will always be with you, especially here," she said, as she placed her hand over my heart. I gave her a timid smile and she patted my hands before I moved them from her lap.

"Why don't we go downstairs and get you something to eat and drink. I know you might not feel like it but you have to be strong." I stood up from the bed, took Esme's hand and walked toward the door. I knew I was about to be bombarded with so many emotions. I could already feel them welling up inside me. She pulled the door open slowly and we stepped out.

We walked slowly down the hall, moving toward the steps. We passed our home office, the door was open, I briefly wondered where Edward was, he wasn't in there or with me in the bedroom. We got to the next door and I stopped completely. I closed my eyes tightly and swallowed the lump that formed in my throat. Lizzie's room. Tears streamed down my face as Esme gently led me down the stairs and towards the kitchen.

I looked around and saw all the things that reminded me of my baby girl. Her Tinker Bell place mat still sat on the counter where she put it when she ate breakfast in the morning. Her bookbag was still sitting on the table ready to be packed for school. Her duffel bag sat by the front door where we had placed it last night when we came in. I closed my eyes as the tears continued to fall.

A few moments later, Esme placed a sandwich and a glass of water on the counter in front of me. I smiled and thanked her. I wasn't hungry at all. I just wanted everything to go away. I wanted to stand here and do nothing at all. I wanted to escape to that dream world, where Lizzie was still here, happy and carefree.

"Where's Edward?" I asked her as she put the items she had used to make the sandwich away. She looked up and pointed out the window to the backyard.

"He's been out there since we arrived. Emmett, Jasper and his father tried to get him to come inside, but he wouldn't. He came in long enough to tell everyone goodbye, but went right back out there." Edward was sitting in the swing on the playset that we had gotten Lizzie last year for her birthday. He wasn't moving at all. He just sat there, looking at the ground.

He must have felt someone staring at him, because in that moment he looked up at me. His green eyes met mine and looked so empty. There was no longer a sparkle in them. They were dark, almost black. He continued to just stare at me, unmoving.

He must hate me. It was my fault that she was no longer here. I should've been watching her better. I should've never let go of her hand. It's my fault that he was feeling the pain that he was.

The tears began to fall again and I turned around quickly, making my way back upstairs, food forgotten. I stopped outside Lizzie's door and decided to walk inside. I began to sob uncontrollably as I looked at her room. It was so quiet without her here, so wrong. I threw myself down on her bed and wrapped myself up in her blankets and willed it all to be a horrible nightmare.

EPOV

Carlisle ended up having to sedate Bella at the hospital. Every time we tried to get her to leave, she would scream at the top of her lungs that she wasn't leaving Lizzie there. Hell, I agreed. I didn't want to imagine my baby girl lying in that cold, dark room all alone. But I knew we had to leave the hospital. I had to get her home.

I carried Bella up to our room when we arrived and laid her down on the bed. I pulled the covers up over her and placed a gentle kiss on her forehead. She had been continuously whimpering in her sleep. It broke my heart over and over. I still hadn't cried. I wasn't sure what happened, had truly hit me yet.

I stopped outside of Lizzie's bedroom and looked inside. Her toys were strown about where she had played with them earlier. I looked over at the huge box that held the dollhouse she'd gotten for her birthday. I'd been in a rush to get to work this morning that I hadn't even put it together for her like I told her I would. I had failed her.

I walked downstairs and into the living room. Mom, Dad, Emmett, Jasper, Alice and Rose were all there. They all looked up at me, their faces full of pity and sorrow. I walked back out of the room saying nothing. I made my way through the kitchen and out the back door. I looked at the huge wooden playset that I once thought was a monstrosity sitting in our backyard. Lizzie was so happy when we got it for her last year.

"Shit. Shit. Damn." I said as I held my thumb for the fiftieth time this morning. I was putting together the wooden monster that Bella had decided we should get our daughter for her birthday. Lizzie was excited about it and her excitement made me excited so I trudged through the hard work to see that beautiful smile on her face.

I had most of it put together when the back door opened up. Lizzie walked over, handing me a glass of lemonade.

"Mommy said that you might need this," she spoke as I took the glass from her. She stood their practically bouncing on her toes waiting for me to give her the go ahead to try out her new "toy". I drank down the lemonade and sat the glass down on the patio steps. I picked up the last swing that I needed to be attach to the playset and handed it to her.

"Would you like to do the honors, baby girl?" I asked her as she smiled widely at me. She took the swing from my hands and I lifted her up so that she could reach the beam. I helped her attach it and stood her back down on the ground.

"All done," I said, "you may now swing to your hearts desire." She squealed and hugged me tightly around the waist.

"Thank you, thank you, thank you, Daddy!" she said excitedly as she went to sit on the swing. And that right there made the sore back and bruised thumb worth it.

"Can you push me Daddy?" she asked, trying to kick her feet and get herself started. I walked behind her and gently began to push her. She giggled with delight which made me smile. I looked up to see Bella looking out the kitchen window at us. I blew her a kiss and she returned one.

"Higher Daddy," she said, "make me go higher."

I sat down on the swing and slumped my shoulders. God, I missed her so much already. It was already so quiet around here without her constant giggling and numerous questions about anything and everything.

I didn't know how long I had been sitting there. Mom came out and told me that everyone was leaving. I went in and hugged my family goodbye and told them thank you for everything. They let me know that they would be back tomorrow. My mom informed me she planned on staying for a while, in case Bella or I needed anything. I hugged her and told her thank you as we walked back outside.

I sat in the the swing again, just staring off into the empty space. After a bit, I felt as if someone was watching me. I looked up to see Bella looking at me through the kitchen window. Her face was so distraught and full of pain. I had caused that pain. I failed her. I promised her that I would always take care of our daughter and I failed. I couldn't save her today. No matter how much she begged me, I couldn't save her. She must hate me.

Even from where I was sitting, I could see the tears welling up in her eyes. She turned around immediately and ran from the room.

Yes. She hated me. I hated myself. I was such a failure.

I stood up and started pacing back and forth in our backyard. The more I thought, the angrier I got at myself. I looked over to the swingset. I would never see my daughter play happily on it again. I wouldn't hear her joyful laughter as she swung higher and higher into the air.

I grabbed the shovel, that leaned against the back of the house, and began to swing repeatedly with the shovel at the wooden beams.

"Why? What the fuck did I ever do?! What did she do?! She didn't deserve this! Why did you take her from us?!" I screamed as I hit the beams over and over again.

When I finally became winded, I dropped the shovel and stepped back. I had ruined it. The swings were ripped down and the beams were cracked.

"Oh God," I cried, as I dropped to the ground. And finally the tears began to flow. I cried for my baby girl. I cried for myself. I cried for my wife. I cried for the fact that our family was now broken. I broke our family.

I sobbed loudly into the night, my body shaking violently with pent up emotion. Warm arms enveloped me as I continued to shed tears that I had held in all day.

"It's okay baby boy. Let it out. Mama's here," Esme told me. I held onto her tightly.

"I want her back Mom. I miss her so much," I cried into her shoulder.

"I know, baby," she said, her body shook as she cried right along with me, "we all miss her so much." She ran her hand up and down my back trying to soothe me, but we both knew it wasn't working.

So I sat there, on the cold, wet ground, in my mother's arms, a broken man.