Chapter Five

Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight or any of its characters. They all belong to Stephenie Meyer.



A/N: ****BIG TISSUE WARNING**** You might as well just grab the whole damn box....seriously. I am going to be honest with you. I have read over this chapter many times before posting and I have cried every single time.

I stood at the mirror and looked at myself. My eyes were bloodshot and puffy from all the tears I had cried since yesterday. Pulling my hair up in a loose pony tail, I washed my face, grabbed a navy blue sweater, a pair of dress pants from my closet and slipped those on.

Today was the day we were going to the funeral home to make the arrangements for my little girl. Edward had asked our families to come with us; we knew there was no way we could go there alone to prepare to lay our daughter to rest.

Lay her to rest.

Those four words were killing me each time I thought them.

As I was slipping my shoes on, there was a light knock on the door. It gently pushed open and Alice was there.

"Hey Bella," she said, walking into the room, "are you about ready to go? Everyone is downstairs now." I nodded my head solemnly and stood to walk out with her. We walked downstairs, hand in hand, and into the living room. Esme pulled me into her arms and the tears began to flow once again. She held me in her arms, whispering to me, and crying right along with me.

"We are here for you Bella. You and Edward both. We will be strong for you when we know you can't be," she told me. I pulled myself away from her and wiped the tears from my eyes.

I looked up and saw Edward was leaning against the wall, his eyes were red, a tear slipped down his cheek but he quickly wiped it away. I stood there and realized that it had been a few days since we had spoken. There was so much we needed to talk about. We hadn't spoken since our baby girl was hit by that car. Every time I tried to say something about it, I felt the guilt rise, the guilt that I had allowed this to happen to our daughter. She was hit by a car because of me. I looked down and noticed Esme was still holding my hand. I loved Esme, but it wasn't her hand I wanted holding mine. I leaned in and hugged her lightly. I think she under stood because once I was out of her embrace, she told everyone to head to their cars. I nodded, in attempt to thank her.

"We'll be out side," she whispered, then walked out the door.

Edward pushed himself of the wall and walked over to me; he pulled me into his arms and placed a sweet kiss on top of my head. I hugged him tightly to me and we both began to cry. I didn't want to do this. I just wanted to wake up and have our little girl back where she belonged.

"You just about ready to go?" Edward asked me as I pulled away. He handed me a tissue and I wiped the tears from my face.

"I am about as ready as I'll ever be," I replied to him honestly. He placed a gentle kiss on my lips, "I love you, Bella," his voice cracked, I stood on my toes and kissed him again, whispering I loved him too.

We stayed in each others arms for a few moments, just clinging to the other. No more words had been spoken, just silent tears falling as we prepared ourselves for what was to come.

The ride to the funeral home was quiet as we all looked out the windows at the scenery going by. Edward held my hand tightly in his lap, rubbing his thumb in soothing small circles on my skin. We pulled into the parking lot of Mount Olympus Funeral Home and all of us exited the family cars. We walked up the stone walkway.

"Edward, I can't do this," I cried out, stopping abruptly at the door, I tried to pull out of his embrace but he held me tighter and walked us over to the small bench that sat outside the front doors and sat us down. He hugged me to him as we both began to cry. The others decided to give us a moment and went ahead inside.

"I know it is hard, baby," Edward said, his voice cracking with emotion, "but we need to do this for her. For our.....l-little girl." he suppressed a sob.

I nodded my head and pulled away to get a tissue from my pocket; I wiped the tears from my face then reached up and wiped his as well. He closed his eyes and took a deep breath then placed a gentle kiss on my lips.

"I love you," he said. I kissed him back, just as gently.

"I love you too," I told him, as we stood to go into the building.

When we walked in, Carlisle was speaking with an older gentleman, who I assumed was the director. Edward and I walked over to him.

"Mr. Jackson, I would like you to meet my son, Edward and his wife, Bella," Carlisle said to the man, as we shook hands.

"I am terribly sorry for your loss Mr. and Mrs. Cullen. We here at Mount Olympus will do everything in our power to make this as easy as possible for you. Carlisle has already handled financial arrangements, and I've explained the details of to your family so all we need you to do is pick out her casket. Now if you would just follow me to the basement so you can see our selection."

We followed Mr. Jackson down stairs and into a large room. There were caskets lined up against the walls. Some were made of darker woods, some were shiny and black. There were some that were white with gold trim and some that were burgundy colored. I could hear the man talking, explaining to us the benefits of each selection but I just zoned out. I walked over to a section that contained the smallest of these boxes.

The first I saw was so tiny, not even 2 feet long. I ran my hand along the top of the shiny surface. I walked over to a display of three caskets called "Melody". It came in a choice of colors. I couldn't believe I was here, picking out the casket that would forever hold my baby girl. I became overwhelmed with emotion and began to sob loudly. I felt arms come around me and pull them to me. I could tell it was Edward even though I couldn't see him through the tears. I could hear his sobs which made mine become even louder. Each and every sob that came from him made my already broken heart, shatter to even smaller pieces.

We both stood there, clinging to each other as if our lives depended on it. After a few minutes Edward and I both pulled away and he wiped the tears from under my eyes with his thumbs.

"I know this is so hard, baby. This is killing me too," he told me. We held hands as we turned around to look at the small caskets.

"I just hate doing this. I don't wanna be here picking out the box that will hold our baby girl forever. We shouldn't be here doing this," I sobbed to him and laid my head on his shoulder.

He rubbed soothing circles on my back with his hands.

"I know Bella. But we have to do it for her, baby. We have to get through this," he told me and I nodded my head. I took a deep breath and turned back around to the selection of caskets. The "Melody" came in white, baby blue and baby pink. I smiled, imagining half of Lizzie's wardrobe in her closet. The girl had a love for pink. She had to have gotten that from her aunt Alice. Edward looked over to me and noticed the smile on my face.

"Lizzie would love this one wouldn't she?" he asked, laying his hand on top of the glossy pink finish of the casket. I nodded my head and smiled at him. Carlisle and Mr. Jackson had joined us.

"Okay, lets head back upstairs and get the final arrangements set," Mr. Jackson said as he led us out of the room. When we got back upstairs the rest of the family joined us. Edward and I sat down on the small couch across from the desk.

"Mr. and Mrs. Cullen, some people like to have mementos placed in the casket with their loved one. Did your daughter have a favorite stuffed animal she liked to sleep with? Perhaps a favorite book she liked to read?" I gasped out loud when the director mentioned a favorite book. I took Edward's hand in mine and whispered, "I know exactly what book she needs". I planned to put our book, The Princess and the Pea, inside with our daughter. She treasured that book her entire life.

Edward squeezed my hand and smiled back at me. The director continued talking with us. He asked for some pictures of Lizzie through out her life, with family, by herself, with friends. They wanted to have a slideshow playing during her wake.

"And the last thing we are going to need is clothing. I need your selection of what you would like to have your daughter buried in," Mr. Jackson said. I hadn't even thought about what I was going to have her wear. I began to sob loudly. Someone sat down beside me and took my hand into theirs. I looked up to see Alice's face, tears streaming down as she cried right along with me.

"Bella, I would be honored to help you pick something out for Lizzie," she told me quietly. I smiled at her as Edward reached across, tears in his eyes as well, and held onto her other hand.

"Alice, I would love it if you would help me pick out something for her," I told her. She smiled solemnly at me and I just squeezed her hand. Rosalie stepped toward us and placed her hand on my shoulder.

"Bella, if you would like, I could help out with that too," she said. I could see the tears building up in her eyes. I reached my hand up and placed it over Rose's hand and nodded my head.

We all thanked Mr. Jackson and headed back out to the cars. I was planning to head out with Rose and Alice to go to the children's boutique across town, but when the time came, I just couldn't leave Edward. I began to cry for the hundredth time in the past two days and Edward just pulled me to him, rocking us gently back and forth.

"Alice, why don't you and Rose go ahead and pick something out for Lizzie? I am sure that you can find something that both Bella and I would love," Edward suggested, while he continued to console me.

"Bella, are you okay with that?" Alice asked me. I just nodded my head and Edward led me to the car to go back home.

~*~*~*~*~*

The florist had come to the house and after twenty minutes of picking out flowers, and talking about my baby girl in the past tense, I was exhausted. I excused myself from the table after we chose all different colors of pink and decided to lie down and try to take a nap, but every time I would close my eyes I would see those small caskets, something that should never even have to be made. There should never be a purpose for those because children so young should never be taken.

After tossing and turning for about an hour, I decide to head downstairs and find Edward. When I turned into the kitchen, I saw him sitting at the table pushing food around his plate. The counter tops were full of food that the local church ladies had brought over. Esme was standing at the sink washing up some dishes so I pulled up a chair and sat down beside Edward.

"Hey baby. Did you get any sleep at all?" he asked me, grabbing my hand and holding it in his.

"No, I couldn't fall asleep. My mind wouldn't shut down." He just smiled a very sad smile at me and pulled my hand to his mouth and kissed my palm. I laid my head down on table and watched Edward eat. He more or less just pushed the food around. Every once in a while he would take a bite.

A few minutes later there was a knock at the door and Esme moved to go answer it. Alice walked in with a garment bag draped over her arm.

"Hey guys. Thought I would bring this over now and show you before I took it over to the funeral home. I hope you like it," Alice said, as she hung the bag on the back of the chair and unzipped it. I continued to hold Edward's hand in mine as she revealed the garment she had chosen for her niece.

"Oh my...." I started, but the tears began to fall. The dress Alice had chosen was fit for a princess. It was a tea length dress that was fuchsia colored and sleeveless. The waist line was embellished with jewels and the skirt of the dress was made of tulle. There was a large satin ribbon that tied in the back and a crinoline slip was attached underneath.

"Alice," I began again," it is lovely. Lizzie would have loved it. I love it. Thank you so much for taking care of this for me." I stood up and went over and hugged her. She had begun crying as well.

"It was the least I could do," she whispered in my ear before pulling away. Edward stood up to hug her as well.

"Thank you so much Alice. And like Bella said, Lizzie would have loved it," Edward said, hugging his sister tightly.

~*~*~*~*~

The next couple of days passed in a blur. Before I knew it, we were headed back to the funeral home for the wake. I couldn't stomach the thought of walking into that room and seeing our daughter lying there, cold and alone; as our friends and family tell us how sorry they were for our loss, how much they loved Lizzie, how much they'd miss her. I kept thinking to myself that I'd wake up and this would all be over, that the past few days had been some kind of nightmare. But deep down, I knew I wasn't.

When we pulled up, Edward helped me out of the car and we all walked together, inside the building. Mr. Jackson led us to an empty parlor room and I saw it as soon as I stepped inside. The baby pink casket was sitting at the other end of the room, the lid open. The others walked ahead of us and I stopped. Edward tried to get me to keep walking, but I stood firmly in my place shaking my head no as the tears flowed down my face.

"Edward, I can't do this! I won't do this! I can't see her like this," I sobbed as he held me to his chest. I knew he had begun to cry with me because I could feel his whole body shake with emotion.

"I know, baby, I know," he said in between his sobs, "but she needs us to be there." We had sat down on a couple of the chairs in the back of the room while we tried to calm ourselves. Edward pulled away from me and looked at my face. He had tears streaming down his cheeks. His eyes looked so empty where they used to look so full of life. I couldn't help but think that I had caused the emptiness in his eyes. I looked away from him; I blamed myself so of course Edward blamed me. It was my fault. I let go of her hand. I closed my eyes and I could see her smiling face as she licked the ice cream. I removed my hands from his and stood up, clutching my chest, I paced back and forth trying to make sense of all this. Edward stood up and reached for my shoulders, he turned me towards him.

"Edward, this is so hard! I am not supposed to have to do this! A mother shouldn't have to do this," I cried, he leaned over and kissed me gently on the top of my head.

"I know sweetheart. But we need to do this. We need to do this for Elizabeth," he said, as he pulled me to him. I clung to the front of his shirt for a few moments.

"Now, how about we go and see how beautiful our princess looks in that dress her aunt Alice picked out for her?" I nodded against his chest and he led me towards the front. I closed my eyes, took a deep breath and opened them back up when I was in front of the casket.

She was beautiful. She looked as if she were sleeping. Her bronze curls draped over her shoulders. The fuchsia color of the dress made her skin not look as pale. Her arms crossed in front of her, clutching her favorite book. I reached my hand inside and brushed my fingertips across the skin of her cheek. She was so cold. That wasn't right. She isn't supposed to be cold.

A sob broke through me as I turned my head toward Edward. I wrapped my arms around him and hugged him tightly, both of us crying. After a few moments we both turned back to face the casket that held our daughter.

"Mommy and Daddy love you Lizzie," Edward told her, brushing his hand across her cheek. "We will miss you so much, but we know that you are in a much better place and that you will always be with us." He brought his hand back down and nodded his head lightly at me telling me to go ahead.

"Baby Girl, Mommy misses you so much already. It is so quiet without you here. I miss your laughter and your hugs. But I know that you are up there with Grandma Renee and she will take good care of you. You make sure you give her a big hug for me." I kissed my fingertips and placed them on her lips as the tears began to flow once again.

~*~*~*~*~

Edward and I stood together at the front of the room, by Lizzie's casket. Charlie was standing by me holding my hand. He was trying to be strong for me, but I knew this was hard for him. Esme and Carlisle stood on the other side of Charlie, along with Jasper, Alice, Rose and Emmett.

We stood together as the good people of Forks came up and gave us their condolences and well wishes. Every once in a while someone would say something to me that would cause me to break down again. Mrs. Cope had been one of those people. She told me that she was looking forward to getting to know Lizzie and that she was sorry she would never have the chance. And then it hit me, no one would ever have the chance to get to know Lizzie ever again. None of us would know what she would be like as a teenager, whether she would be moody and brooding or if she would be pepped up and outgoing. We wouldn't know how she would be as a young adult. Whether she would go off to a four year university or just stick around Forks and go to community college. We wouldn't know how she would be as a wife and mother. We wouldn't know the young man that would one day win her heart. We would never know if she would have sons or daughters.

And that is the part that killed me most. She would never know what it was like to be a mother. To have your heart walk around every day outside of your chest. But yet, she would also never know the pain that I am feeling right now. She would never have to bury her child.

As we stood accepting hugs and handshakes, the slide show was playing behind us. Every once in a while, I would turn around and just stare at the pictures as they flashed by. They showed Lizzie from the time of her birth to her birthday party just last week. There was a beautiful picture of the three of us taken at the beach last summer. Edward was dressed in a white button up and linen pants. He was barefoot. I sat in front of him, my back leaning on his chest. I was in a white sundress and also barefoot. Lizzie sat in front of me, dressed in a white sundress, identical to mine. She was smiling ear to ear. We had such a wonderful time on that trip and promised her we would go back this year. But now, we couldn't.

The night had come to an end. We told our baby we would see her tomorrow. Walking out of that room, leaving her there alone was the hardest thing I'd ever done. When we got home, Edward and I silently went up to our room; neither of us said a word. I undressed and crawled into bed, pulling my knees tightly to my chest, I cried myself into a sleep full of nightmares.

EPOV

I sat on the couch in our living room with my head in my hands. Bella and I hadn't gotten much sleep last night. We both tossed and turned. She woke up screaming and sobbing at one point and I just held her until she quieted down and drifted off. Yesterday was so hard and today is only going to be worse.

I heard her footsteps coming and I stood up and buttoned up my suit coat. She came around the corner and gave me a small smile; I pulled her to me and hugged her tightly.

"Are you ready to head out?" I asked her. She gave me a small nod.

"About as ready as I will ever be for something like this," she said, grabbing my hand as we walked to the door.

"I know baby, I know."

~*~*~*~

We made our back to the funeral home for our final goodbyes. Walking into the funeral home again and seeing my little girl lying there was tearing my heart apart. I tried to be strong for Bella, but knowing this was the last time I was going to see her before they placed her in the ground was tearing me apart.

We once again stood there as more people showed, saying their final goodbyes to Elizabeth. After about forty five minutes, the director of the funeral home came over the speaker and called the families to their cars for the funeral procession. One by one each family came up to say give us their condolences and say goodbye to our daughter. The pallbearers were asked to make there way to the back and it was then that I looked around and realized that this was it. We had to say goodbye. Emmett and Rose walked up first both of them kissing her gently. Alice and Jasper followed. My parents went next and I saw my father and mother sobbing as they said goodbye. Charlie stood there stroking her curly hair a few times before he leaned in and kissed her.

I looked over to Bella she sighed and shook her head no. After a few moments, we walked up to Lizzie. I pulled out a picture from my jacket pocket and placed it in her hands with her book.

It was the family picture we took last year at the beach. I heard Bella gasp and then a sob escaped her lips. She looked at me then back at the picture and touched it with her finger tips.

"Mommy and Daddy will always be with you," I whispered, and leaned in kissing her cold forehead.

"I love you, Elizabeth.....I can't Edward. I can't do it!" She looked over at me, "please don't make say goodbye, please." I noticed Jake, a family friend we asked to be one of the pallbearers, in the hallway. He walked over to us and hugged Bella, "don't say goodbye, Bells, just say I'll see you again." Bella looked up at Jake and gave him a small smile. He squeezed her hand and walked back out to the hallway with the other pallbearers.

She turned towards Lizzie, "I love you more than anything baby girl and I'll see you again," she fixed Lizzie's hair and then kissed both her cheeks and held her hand for a few moments before turning back to me.

We gave our baby girl one last kiss and I held on to Bella as tightly as I could as we walked to the car to make our way to the church.

~*~*~*~

We walked into the church together. The guys from La Push brought Lizzie in. Bella and I had grown up with all of them. Lizzie loved every one of those guys like they were family. Paul, Quil, Embry and Seth were like the older brothers she never had. Jacob and Sam were like uncles to her. She often spent time with Jacob and Leah and their kids. Sam and Emily liked to watch Lizzie for us, to prepare them for when they had kids.

Bella and I took our seat on the front pew. Our families sat beside and behind us. I looked at the program I had gotten from the director earlier.

Elizabeth Renee Cullen

Born on June 12, 2003. She is survived by

her parents, Edward and Bella Cullen.

Her grandparents, Carlisle and Esme Cullen, and Charlie Swan.

Aunts and Uncles, Alice and Jasper Whitlock, and Rosalie and Emmett McCarty.

And Numerous friends and family.

She was preceded in death by her grandmother, Renee Swan.

When you are sorrowful

look into your heart

and you shall see that

you are weeping

for that which has been

your delight~

Kahlil Gibran

I wiped the tears that had fallen from my eyes and looked over at my wife. She was crying as well, having read the quote that my father had chosen to include in the program. I squeezed her hand as Pastor Webber spoke of moving on to a better place with no sickness, no death, no pain. I really wasn't listening to a thing the man said. I was just staring at the pink casket that held my baby girl and holding my wife's hand, trying to be strong for her.

Emmett walked to the podium at the front of the church. He looked so different. Usually Emmett was very cheerful and smiling. He cleared his throat and began to speak.

"Some of you might not know me. My name is Emmett and I was this little munchkin's uncle. No, I might not have been blood related to her, but I loved her all the same. Edward and I met each other in college and have remained close friends ever since. I was there immediately when I knew this little Angel had entered this world. And an angel she was. She was so smart and so funny. She could make you laugh when you needed to." He looked over to Lizzie's casket and tears began to fall from his face.

"Munchkin, I miss you so much," he said, as he wiped away the tears. Bella laid her head on my shoulder, her body shaking with silent sobs. "I taught this little girl everything she knew about sports. There wasn't a week that went by where she and I weren't playing in her backyard, whether it was tossing around a football or shooting a couple of hoops. I am going to miss her everyday and I pray that my little girl will touch as many people as Lizzie did." Emmett clapped his hand on my shoulder as he walked by. "I'm so sorry, man," he said as he made his way back to his seat.

Jasper stepped up to the podium and a sudden calm came over me. He looked over to the casket, closed his eyes and gave a slight nod towards it.

"Lizzie, my little Ladybug, was a wonderful child. She could brighten any room with her smile and change your mood with her laughter. She brought joy to all those around her. She will truly be missed." He walked over to the casket, kissed his fingertips and placed them on the top of it.

Charlie had decided that he wanted to speak. He walked up to the front of the church and cleared his throat. You could tell that this day was hard for him, bringing back so many memories of Renee's death. Bella sobbed as she listened to her father.

"Elizabeth was the breath of fresh air that we all needed. She brought back the joy to my life that I had forgotten. She made me smile and laugh again. She loved to sit with me and watch some good old baseball. I had even planned on taking her fishing this weekend." He turned to the casket and spoke quietly, "I am sorry, baby girl that I didn't get to do that.

"I know that we will all miss her very much. But I know that my wife, her grandma Renee, is up there watching over her now." Charlie looked up towards the sky, tears building up in his eyes, and said, "You watch over that little girl for her, Renee. You keep her safe until her mommy and daddy can be with her again." He blew a kiss to the heavens and stepped back down. When he walked past us, Bella grabbed him and hugged him tightly. They, along with me and our whole family, were all sobbing loudly at this time.

"Thank you so much, Daddy," she whispered as she pulled away and wiped her eyes. She sat back down next to me, pulling my hand onto her lap. Alice made her way up front; she didn't think she could speak so she had chosen a poem to read instead. She took a deep breath and began to read from the paper she had placed in front of her.

Just one little peek into heaven,

Is all I'm asking for today.

I just want to know how she's doing,

And heaven seems so far away.

Is she playing on the clouds with angels?

Is she laughing and running today?

Does she miss me? I guess only she knows.

Oh why does heaven seem so far away?

If you just let me look for a moment,

To catch a glimpse of her sweet smiling face,

I promise I won't try to take her,

I know, she's in a better place.

Just one little peek into heaven,

Is all I'm asking for today.

I just want to know how she's doing,

And heaven seems so far away...

by: Callie Sanders Thornton

Alice's voice cracked with emotion and tears flowed down her face as she read the poem. When she was done, I stood up and hugged her tightly, telling her thank you. After the pastor said his closing prayers, the pallbearers once again picked up the small, pink casket and carried it outside of the church, as we followed.

~*&*~

We all sat together at the grave site as Pastor Webber read passages from the bible. I barely paid attention. Charlie held Bella's hand on the other side while she held on to me tightly with the other, her head down as she cried. My mother leaned into Dad as they both wept silently. Rose sat quietly as Emmett rubbed her growing belly. Jasper held onto Alice as she cried. After saying a final prayer, our family got up, one by one, and each laid a single rose on top of the casket. Bella and I stood up and walked together and took a single rose from the arrangement lying on top. We now had to say our final goodbye. This was it.

"I love you forever, baby girl," I said quietly, as the tears fell from my eyes, "Daddy will see you again one day." I blew a final kiss towards the casket and turned to Bella.

"I can't do this Edward! I can't leave her here all alone! I can't let them put her in that cold hard ground. You know she hates the dark. She hates to be alone. She is gonna be all alone! I can't! I won't," she cried. She held her head up and began to wipe her eyes quickly. Her face changed completely. She went from sad and grim to angry as hell.

"It isn't supposed to be like this! She is supposed to out live us! She is supposed to be the one putting us into the ground, Edward," she said. I tried to pull her to me, "don't," she pushed me away. I just stepped back a bit and listened to her. She needed to get this out.

"She's supposed to live a long and happy life. She is supposed to go to college, come home crying to us when some asshole breaks her heart. Then she's supposed to find the man of her dreams, get married and raise beautiful babies. And now she won't ever get to do that! She'll never....." she stopped suddenly and cried louder. Clutching her heart, she began to sink to the ground and I put my arms around her, slowly lowering us both.

"How am I supposed to go on living knowing that she won't? How am I supposed to live my fucking life knowing that she isn't here with us?" She clung to me, sobbing into my coat as I held her tightly. I looked around; everyone was watching us quietly, tears falling from their eyes as well.

Charlie knelt down beside us and wrapped his arms around us both. Carlisle and Esme joined us, as well as Rose, Emmett, Jasper and Alice. We all sat on the ground of that cemetery and wept for the beautiful little girl we would miss every day for the rest of our lives.